Her First Day

Last week went by in a blur. Of course it is because I was home enjoying being sick because it meant I could be with my baby. Before I knew it, it was Friday. Time for me to go back to work, and for Baby Bean to go to her first day of daycare. I am still not sure how or why I handled it the way I did, but it didn't go down the way I imagined it would at all. Before she was even born I would sob at the idea of her going to daycare. I cried more on the day my husband got a job than on her first day. In fact, I didn't shed one single tear that morning.

I woke up Friday morning at my normally scheduled time from before daylight savings (it used to be 7:15, but now it is 6:15), got ready for work, then went in and got Baby Bean up for the day. She was already awake and standing up in her crib when I walked in, which I was glad for. I got her dressed, fed her, made sure we had everything we needed for the daycare center, and out the door we headed.

Hubs went with us to get Baby Bean situated, and I am sure as a support to me. Surprising, I didn't need the latter. We took her to her classroom, filled out the daily paperwork, got her settled, and then it was time to go. I gave her a big kiss and told her I would see her later. I told her to be a good girl. She gave me a big smile and then crawled away to play with some toys. Hubs and I didn't even need to sneak out of the room because she didn't notice we had left.

I didn't feel anything that morning. I didn't feel sad. It wasn't hard. My heart didn't break. I felt fine. I was amazingly at ease with the whole thing. I didn't worry about her during the day, or feel the need to call and check in.

Lunch time rolled around and my teammates were getting ready to go to our usual Friday team lunch. The place they all wanted to go didn't appeal to me, and one of my teammates protested my going because he was afraid I would get him sick. It made me smile when one of our other teammates told me to come anyway immediately after that comment, as if to say, "We'd rather have you than him!" It was very sweet. I told them to go ahead and I would go have lunch with my daughter.

When I got to the daycare, my Baby Bean was sitting in a high chair eating pineapple. She had green peas squashed all over her whole face. From chin to forehead and from ear to ear. I hoped that she would give me the same big smile she usually gives me when I get home from work. Instead she just looked at me like, "Oh, hey mom," and kept right on eating her pineapple.

While I fed her, the teachers all gloated over what a good girl she was and how well she was getting on with the whole situation and other kids. They were amazed she had never been to daycare before because she just took it all in stride. She did skip her morning nap, and she let me know all about it.

Hubs and I were a little upset to find out how much they had let her eat during the day. They overfed her with snacks and at lunch time. We're going to address that on Monday. She came home smelling of daycare, and was a little cranky because she had hardly slept. The child usually sleeps anywhere from 1-2 hours during two separate nap times during the day (up to 4 hours total). She slept for an hour at daycare all day.

All in all, I think it was a great experience for her. I think she will adjust well to being there every day. I am still amazed at how well I am handling it. It just isn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be.

With My Eyes Open

Have you ever been sitting at your blog, wanting to post, but now knowing what to post? So many ideas going through your head. Which should you pick? Should you pick them all and do them in bullet point? Save them out and do them separately over time while risking losing the thought of them as the hours and days pass by? What about the post you want to write up, but aren't sure whose eyes will see it and what meaning they will take away from it? Will they take the one you intend, or the one they want to?

The last four days have been so very bitter sweet. Bitter because I was sick, but sweet because I got to spend them with my daughter. Bitter because I didn't have a car with which to take either of us to the doctor before Hubs got home or to go to the store to buy necessary cold meds, but sweet because I didn't have a car, and so couldn't go anywhere or do anything but be with my darling baby girl. I have to say, I am so thankful I got sick. Yes, it sucked. Yes, it was brutal. But oh my gosh have I enjoyed being home with Baby Bean. The thought of going back to work tomorrow while she goes to her first day of daycare breaks my heart.

That last line was the one that could be taken wrong. I love my job. I really do. I work for a great company, and I have some of the awesomest teammates/friends I have ever had the pleasure of working with/knowing. I received numerous text messages from my teammates the last few days asking how I was doing and if I needed anything. My PM even told me that if I needed people to shuttle me fluids, they would (because I didn't have a car). I am so very blessed to work for this company. It was by far one of the best decisions of my life, and I am so grateful we are here. Getting this job was a pivotal turning point in my life. I love these people, and I love my job. I want to go back to work, I just wish my daughter could come with me.

I know daycare will be a wonderful thing for Baby Bean. She loves other kids. She is going to get exposure to all kinds of things she wouldn't at home (and I'm not just talking about germs). They are going to teach her sign language, take the messy job of teaching her how to eat with utensils, and the list goes on and on.

However, I feel like in a perfect world, I would be an at-home mom. *GASP!* I know, I just said that. The woman who has always said that I could never be an at-home mom. I'd be bored. I need social interaction. Blah, blah, blah. I still think being an at-home mom could wear on me after a while. I did work hard to get where I am. I do need social interaction and all of those other things. So ideally, I would work part time, and be home part time.

I found over the past four days that I just love being with my daughter. I know some people hate when infertiles say this, but I honest to God know I am a better mother because of the battle I had to fight to get her here. I don't take her for granted for one second, and haven't since I found out I was pregnant with her. Do I think that there are women out there who got pregnant on their own who feel the same way? Absolutely. I just know that I am a better mother than I would have been. That's not to say I wouldn't have been a good mom, because I would have. I just know that I have way more patience, a higher level of tolerance, and a love that is incomprehensible.

The past four days have been fantastic. I am so grateful I got sick. (Baby Bean did too, but I was exponentially sicker than her. Both her pediatrician and my doctor said that is common. She exhibited hardly any signs of illness. I, on the other hand, sounded like death warmed over.) Maybe one day, my ideal will become the real.

I am Kreativ

I am really late in posting this. I kept forgetting about it, until now. The wonderful Marla at Marla'z Austin Journey sweetly awarded me with the Kreative Blogger award. Thank you Marla!






Here are The Rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Write 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs, letting them know they’ve been nominated.

My 7 Things

1. While my IUD was imposed upon me be medical necessity, I love the thing. I haven't seen AF in over three months now. Should you ever need to be on BC, I highly recommend the IUD.
2. I came across some old stories I wrote in high school for a creative writing class while cleaning out my closet. I always thought I was a good writer. After reading over those little ditties, I'm not so sure anymore. One of my papers was given a 75/75. It makes me wonder if the bar was really set that low in my high school. The story itself wasn't bad, but the grammar... oh the grammar!
3. While riffling through that same box of documents, I came across an email to my parents that I wrote during my sophomore year of college in which I blew off steam over the fact that I didn't get as big of a scholarship to my next school of choice as I would have liked. It made me laugh because I seem to remember having a pretty decent scholarship to that university. In fact, they gave me an extra $500 at the end of the year because they had left over scholarship money. I used it to buy a car alarm.
4. While being nostalgic about the documents I found, I smiled to myself because I have a way of blocking out unpleasant things from my past. If I didn't enjoy the ride, I forgot about it. I actually don't remember very much about my time at that university. Why? Because I was miserable there. I loathed every minute, but viewed it as a necessary evil for my future success. I have friends from that school who ask if I remember doing this, that, or the other with them. I always stare blankly with a slight smile and say, "No." Jen, if you read this, I DO remember the popcorn now!
5. I am definitely my worst critic when it comes to my writing. It is never good enough and never will be. Most everything I write reads like shite to me. Yet, it is what I get paid to do. My husband always tells me that I must be good at it because I get paid pretty well to do it. On top of which, all of the project managers at all of my jobs never have anything but glowing reviews of my work. I always feel like I have somehow pulled the wool over people's eyes and one day I will be found out.
6. I didn't realize I was a positive person until I started infertility treatments. I guess positive people block out negative memories too. That isn't to say I don't have moments where I feel like the sky is falling. I just recover from it quickly and find the positives, the lessons.
7. I am very tired because it is almost 1:00 in the morning, and I sat up trying to catch up on blogs and writing this post.

Now, to tag 7 folks. I'm just going to tag because it is late. If you have already received this award, I apologize. Feel free to do it again, pass it on, or ignore it.

1. Tammy
2. ~Ifer
3. Heather
4. Cherish This Baby
5. Justine
6. Sarah
7. Leah

Here it is!

I guess having a cold and being home all day isn't all that bad... minus the hacking, sneezing, and nose blowing. :) However, it gave me time to put together the 9-month photo shoot slide show!

I will say that it appears Baby Bean is magically in good health. She is not exhibiting any symptoms of sickness at all. For some reason last night was a little rough though. The poor thing was up and screaming constantly. I called and made her an appointment with her doctor tonight after Hubs gets home, as I won't have my car back until later this week.

Thank you everyone for your well wishes. I hope to be back to 100% soon.

Without further ado, I present you with the 9-month photo shoot! (There is a little surprise in this one. You get to see the face of the wonderful photographer!)

Crap....

So this past weekend really didn't like me, or so I'm guessing. I enjoyed most of it, despite the fact that it felt like it was constantly trying to get me down. How can I not enjoy a weekend filled with my darling baby girl?!

Yesterday morning I woke up sneezing, and it continued on through much of the day. At one point I told Hubs that you'd think I'd get tired of sneezing and take an allergy pill already. I did. A few hours later it was crystal clear, I was coming down with a cold.

I never get sick. I never catch colds. And I am certainly never the one to catch a cold first in our house. Somehow, somewhere, I picked up a cold over the weekend. This morning I woke up to a majorly sore throat. I was worried last night when I realized I was getting sick and noticed Baby Bean was a little crankier than normal, and demanded to be put to bed almost half an hour early. So I called my project manager this morning, told him I was sporting a majorly sore throat complete with lagrip (post nasal drip), and before I could tell him I was going to stay home, he told me to stay home and get batter. Then I called the day care and told them today was supposed to be Baby Bean's first day, but that she had been running a fever and wouldn't be there today. I just prayed Hubs wouldn't get sick for his first day of his new job.

Before he left to work, he took me over to the mechanic to drop my car off, brought Baby Bean and I home, and then went to work. Today was pretty brutal. Neither the baby nor I felt good. She went down early for both of her naps and was a little crankier than usual. I tried to sit up and read blogs (I am seriously so far behind) while she was napping, but my cold was kicking my butt, so I had to bow out. I am sorry blog friends, but I will not be able to catch up now. Know that I am thinking about all of you and sending my best wishes for whatever I missed.

In fact, I so rarely get sick, all of the cold meds we had in our house expired over a year and a half ago! I went to the pharmacy today and said to the pharmacist, "I never get colds, but I've got one now. Its been so long since I had one, I don't know which medication works best." I don't think her recommendation is working very well. *sigh*

Hubs didn't get home from work until almost 7:00 tonight. Baby Bean was so happy to see him she would scream if he wasn't holding her. This is the first time in her life she has been home all day without daddy. Sadly, it was bath time shortly after he got home, time for the last bottle, and then bed time. They barely got to see each other today. I feel so bad for both of them.

The good new is Hubs came home in a great mood, which is awesome because it means he likes his new job. I knew this would be a good move for him and his morale. Baby Bean and I were both glad to have him home though.

Anyhow, I'm taking my sniffling body to shower and then to bed. I am really sorry I won't be able to catch up on blogs. You're all in my prayers.

*hugs*

Weekend Wrap-Up

Ask and ye shall receive. Baby Bean in her Halloween costume! I wasn't going to buy her a costume this year because I just couldn't justify spending the money on a costume she would wear once when I needed the mula to go other places. However, being a first-time mom, I didn't want to look back and regret not buying her a costume. So yesterday when we went to the store to buy daycare items, I bought this adorable little costume (which was even on sale!). I'm glad I did, even though she only wore it for 45 minutes, because it was so stinking cute on her. She hated it though, and I think she went to bed cursing me for making her wear it at all.

She had so much fun helping me give out candy tonight. Every time I would open the door, she would squeal with delight at the trick-or-treaters. She also loved getting into the candy dish, mouthing a piece of candy in its wrapper, putting it back, and grabbing another piece of candy to mouth. It was hilarious to watch. See for yourself! (I was talking to my dad on the phone, please excuse his french.)

This weekend still has one day before it is over, but the two days that have past have been an insane whirlwind that has left my head reeling. Friday morning Hubs and I went and checked out two daycare centers. I liked and disliked things about both of them, but eventually decided on the one that is less than a couple miles from my work and gives discounts to employees of my company. They told me I could absolutely come and have lunch with my daughter any day I wanted, which was awesome news for me. Up until now, I have come home for lunch 3-4 times a week just to feed Baby Bean and head back to work. So the director telling me I could still do that sealed the deal.

I am pretty happy about our decision. I no longer think that daycare is of the devil. The women who work there know what they are doing with infants more than I do, so she will have some structure, they will help her with things like using a sippy cup, eating with utensils on her own, etc. On top of which, she loves other babies, and she will have lots of exposure to other kids there. I am actually kind of excited for her, minus the separation anxiety and knowing that it is only a matter of time before she catches her first cold. At least I won't be very far away and can still have lunch with her every day if I want to.

Today was an insane blur I would rather forget, so I won't even get into it other than to say we had Part 2 of the 9-month photo shoot and we got some seriously fantastic pictures. I can't wait to put together the slide show. Even better, my best friend asked if I would take some pictures of her and Baby Bean. My heart about leaped out of my chest. Of course I would! I was so happy she asked. She even gave me permission to put them in the slide show. I officially dubbed her an "Auntie" to Baby Bean today too. A title she was honored and happy to accept.

Tomorrow I plan to take it easy and spend the majority of my baby-less time on the computer reading blogs, putting together the slide show, and doing a bit of Christmas shopping.

We hope you had a happy and safe Halloween

Happy Halloween!

As promised, pictures from the Halloween party Hubs and I attended last Saturday. It was hosted by my wonderful next door neighbor. She spent days getting ready for this party, and had a serious showing. I think we counted around 40 people at one point. They throw the shin dig every year, and I am so glad they do because it is so much fun.

Without further ado, I give you party pics!


My best friend who was babysitting while Hubs and I attended the party took this picture just before we headed out the door to the party. Baby Bean was soooo happy that day and was a good girl all night.


Hubs went as a renaissance beggar. He is very much loved by his wench and daughter. I was going for the "ridden wench" look, but I think I missed it a bit.


Hubs begged for coinage at the party, in an attempt to pay for my services. No one had change. Lame.


This fantastic girl is my best friend. She went as Ragge.dy An.n from hell. She made his costume herself! She is going to make me a new renaissance dress for the festival this fall. This is also the very same best friend who takes the 3, 6, and 9-month photos of Baby Bean. Yes, she is seriously talented.


My friend got a little cozy with the freakiest guy at the party. Don't they make a cute pair?


All of us beautiful gals work at the same place. They are every bit as much fun as they look in this photo.

Sadly the wolf got axed from the party.


The fun continued at work on Monday. My best friend and I made a new friend from our new IT guy. He also likes to go to the Ren Fests Hubs and I go to.

And finally, I leave you with a somewhat sultry vixen of a renaissance wench.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!